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I was holding off on this in part cuz I couldn't think of a decent introduction but fuck it I give up, enjoy more 'crumb puns:

They'll be 'crumbing round the mountain when they 'crumb, they'll be 'crumbing round the mountain when they 'crumb~

Last time:
  • [[college intensifies]]
  • Una won every fight she started and she started a lot of them
  • Usaggie and Meredith were betrothed
  • GRADUATION TIME


Our princesses return, laden with degrees, to the Gashlycrumb ancestral manse.

Una: Ancestral? We moved here when I was nine.

Usaggie:


Marion McCrystal, Plantish's mother: What the hell, spawn

Plantish: Hooray, Una's home!

So then I scrolled upstairs and


SCREAMED


WHAT HAPPEN. WHY THIS HAPPEN.


SCREAMING CONTINUES


Varney: Shh, Overlord, it's okay. Look upon my perfect face. There, don't you feel better now?

Yes, thanks :'>


Winnie: I don't wanna get all Almond Fritter about this but I would love to be better friends with Alien Friend, if you know what I mean B)


Grim: Yeah, that's gonna have to wait.

Winnie: I think there's been some mistake here...

Alien Friend: hey, did I hear you say you wanted to strengthen our friendship


Varney: That zombie dancer is fine. Better not let Whisper see her.


Whisper: Don't let me see what?... Oh. Nice.

Fred Fritter: you disgust me. don't call me again


Whisper: *cries softly*

Is that what that is?


Alien Friend: *sniffle* It's so sad that our friendship was cut so short!

Even knowing what's going on here I am still terrified down to my toenails by double Grim. ;__;

Hey, where's Usaggie?


Oh


Baby: See you, space cowboy.


Usaggie: My gramgram just died. Wanna come cheer me up?

Meredith: I thought you'd never ask!


I don't have the words. I don't


Virgil: Who the fuck are you?

Sunburn: Who the fuck are you?

Virgil: I asked you first!

Sunburn: I asked you second!

Usaggie: Both of you poop goblins need to leave before my hot datefriend gets here.


Usaggie and Meredith: SMORRLGAPHKLF

It's like we're back at uni again.

Plantish: seriously, look how far i can bend back my thumb. cellulose is amazing brah


Meredith: Happy spirit journey formation anniversary to ME, motherchuckers!


Seriously, where are these townies getting this kind of money? I'd move out and become a townie in someone's neighborhood too if it meant fifteen thousand tax free bucks.


Then I had to reload cuz I started changing Usaggie's outfits with the clothing tool by accident instead of Meredith's but that just means I got to capture this face up close.


Welcome, legacy spouse #1 B)


Meredith: Wait, sports includes throwing axes at peop— er, targets? Hell yeah, I love sports!


A wild wedding appears!

What the fuck are you mad about now, Spectra?

Spectra: How DARE these bitches be getting some on the reg when I'm a fucking romance sim and I got nothing to show for it!

Those monsters.

Una: usaggie is present!


:')


Heya, Sabrina McCrystal, Plantish's other mom. How's tricks?

Sabrina: They'd be better if my child ever acknowledged my existence.


Nice formal jacket, Usaggie.


Usaggie: Hubba hubba, I know we just got hitched but damn that Spectra Fiebelkorn's got it going on!

Meredith: Word!


Meredith: Bro, check out how delicious and moist this cake is!

Usaggie: BLORF


Spectra: I̘̘͓ ̝͚C̰̪̝̥͔A̸N͍̱͓̰͙͟N̼͔̗̘̘̙ͅO̶̥̗T̮͈͕͉͞ ̨̬͚̗̖̙Ì̗̜͇̝̮̦M̧B͙̩̮IB̰͍̪̭̺E̗̥͙͘ ̼̺͓͙̳͠T̴̞H͕̪͈͇̜̥I̻S̪ ҉͓̯̝̖̙̦B̢̝̖ÉĘṞ̡ ̘͓̹͝FA̲̜͕̦͚͈ͅS̨T̵ ̬̪́E̲͓͖͉͖̭̜N̛O͡U͉̫̗̩͙̥̬G̱̻̦̥͉̀H̺


Meredith: You would not believe how many times my body unsolidified while I was in college. Like, two, three times at least?

Usaggie: It's true. Made for some real interesting sexual intercourse.


Meredith: Yeah, it sure did! Usaggie really knows how to get in there and get the job done. How to crack the safe, if you take my meaning.

Stanley: I wish I didn't.

Spectra: this is bullshit


Outside, Alien Friend and Sabrina abandon dignity in pursuit of cake. Excelsior!


Alien Friend, didn't you get enough dessert?

Alien Friend: There is never enough dessert. :D

Touché.


Plantish: All the dessert is doing wonders for you, Alien Friend. Wonders.

Alien Friend: I'm a hot little potato, all right.


Usaggie: Una took my spot! Sulk.

Back at Caer 'Crumb, we're short a bedroom for one of the heirs. I thought on this for some time, consulted with my peers, and ultimately arrived at what I really think is the best solution:


Sharing a bedroom.


Usaggie and Meredith get half,


and Una and her eventual partner (hopefully) get the other.


It's cruel, and hilarious.

The family skeleton: DOUBLY cruel, I would say.

Pefect! 8D


Meredith: Sharing a bedroom? With Una? Ha ha ha! That's a good one, Overlord! Pull the other one.


Meredith: Well... okay, this isn't ideal. But I'm sure it'll be fine. It won't be weird!


Una: Nope. Not weird in the slightest.


NO


Usaggie and Meredith: Wedding night sex, here we come!

heh. 'come'. heh heh heh.


Una: I changed my mind. It's weird. It's SO WEIRD. That was so uncomfortable, I need to get out of here for awhile.


Okay.


Una: BAWWWWWWW, GRAMGRAM


Una: Ugh. Douglas exists. I hate that guy.


Aside from this cute but ineligible townie, looks like this scene's pretty dead.

Get it. 'Dead'. Cuz it's a graveyard. Get it. Do you get it.


Una: Ineligible, you say? Too bad. I'm digging it.

Me too, but she's using an old face template and there's already enough We've Got Obsessions in your family's genetics.

Una: Bummer.

How about we go to the bar? Maybe we'll have better luck there.


Una: Hey, so, pearl necklaces!

Sigh. At least she's not punching anyone.


Xilfim: Have you seen Finn lately? That new pink dress of his is really working for him!

Una: Not yet! How exciting.


Una: I bet it looks especially fetching in the moonlight!

Kriemhild! 8D

Kriemhild: What up, Overlord.


And more green arrives in the form of a Feef!

Hey, Kriemhild. Do me a solid?


Kriemhild: Yup.

Una: What in Oblivion is this?


Frankie!! Hi, Frankie! Come in, come in!

Frankie: I don't know if I should... I don't usually drink anything harder than apple cider.


Una: Hi! I'm Una. I just turned into a witch.

Frankie: I'm Frankie! I like your flower crown. ...Wait.


Frankie: We're wearing the same one! I'm so embarrassed. Bye don't follow me!

Una: Oh


Una: Hi Frankie! It's Una, from the bar. ...What? I asked Spectra for your number. That's not weird. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I would make an exemplary mate. Just for starters, I have won so many bare-knuckle fights, you don't even know. I can protect the shit out of you.


Una: And I graduated summa cum laude from Winterhold State! Beautiful, strong, and smart. I'm a triple threat!


There hasn't been enough Varney this update. That's better!





I'M JUST SO HAPPY ;~; I don't even care that it doesn't go anywhere.


Meredith: That was an excellent bath. Thanks for the bath bomb recs, Bathphomet!


Bathphomet: A̖͐̾̉ͮ̃̓̎̈͡N̵̘̼̩̣͈͉̲̤ͥ͂ͣ̂̈ͤ͗̓̑͞ͅẎ̶̼̣̹̘̪̅͐T̟̜͉̱̰̲̭̻̹ͬ͐͋̏ͪͩͨ̀̚I̙͒͊̆̄̀͠M̩̐ͯ͒̀̀͝Ḛ̐́͛͘͞,͈͙̯͌ͩ̇͋̈̌̉͋ ̞̭̖̩̳̭̪̪̔ͅP͖̯ͮ͋̃̐̿͆͛͛̂I̖̣͓̤͍̔͊̑̓́N̛͈̦̫̆͗ͭͪ́K̯̘̏̀̿ ̴̵̨͇ͫ̾Ĥ̱̯̘ͦ̒͊͆͞͝U̻̼̤̭̣͚̤̹̮ͫ̔ͭM̸̤̭̤̞̟̒̾͑͝A̢̮̺̱̟͚ͩ̎̓̇ͯͬ̋̒̉N̮̥͍͊̒͠


Usaggie: I defy anyone to say that sex after marriage is less satisfying.


Usaggie: Like, what are they doing wrong, cuz last night's post-wedding fuck was just as great as always.


I don't understand why Plantish still gets swarmed by bees when xe is a plant.

...Come to think of it, maybe that's why.


I guess Usaggie got over her sulk! Capital.


Meredith: That's a relief!


Una: Look who I coaxed over with promises of my worthiness!

Frankie: Hi


Una: Oh my glob, you want me to flirt with this exquisite goddess? This star fallen from the cosmos to light up my life? Come on


Meredith: After I got married I had to shove so hard to fit any of my stuff into the bedroom, there's no space in this house!

Alien Friend: I see there was no room for your clothes either, huh?

People in glass houses should put some fucking pants on.


I guess lack of space is why Una and Frankie are on the couch, rather than the bed.

Una: Nope, just more accessible!


I... I appreciate the enthusiasm o__o


The peering from behind the clothes rack thing is still hilarious to me, I apologize


Victor, how did you get in here?

Victor: I don't know


Meredith: I am so hungry to share this gossip, mother-in-law! Pay attention to me.


No picture has ever existed or will ever exist that sums up Una Gashlycrumb as perfectly as this one.


Must not've been a very important argument


Frankie: This is a really good idea!


Before making Frankie quit her job I checked to see what it was.




Frankie: Oh for fuck's sake, not that kind of vice president.

LET ME HAVE MY JOKE.


Alien Friend: Oh, Glob. You're still here.

Whisper: What do you mean, 'still'? I just walked in here.


Usaggie: Books? Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Wish there was more books! But there's not.


Plantish: Did Usaggie tell you about her three best friends? Because one of them was me and she better not have left me out.

Meredith: Ohh, that's what she meant when she said you really grew on her.


Frankie: I cooked a pork. BD


Alien Friend: Okay, so who's knocked up already? Don't lie to me, you horny little shits, I know somebody is.


Una: Do... do you need something, Grandparent?

Plantish: Nope.


TINY PORKCHOP 8D I'm so enchanted by the tiny food morphs. I love miniatures.


Plantish: Ooh, I wouldn't mind putting down roots in Frankie's field, if you know what I mean.

Oh good.


Don't tell me... slowly sexing into another dimension?

Alien Friend: Good guess, but no. I'm going to Narnia. Got a date with some Turkish delight.


Frankie: I love """games"""!

Una: I'm the best - around - nothing's gonna eeever keep me down~

BAT TAX

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